My Blessing
I stared at the picture of Emily and I for what seemed like hours. I looked out the window and saw the snow gracefully falling to the frozen ground. Emily loved snow. Emily was my best friend, and we had been friends since the second grade when my family first moved to town. I was all alone; didn’t know anyone. The very first time I met her was in the lunch line at school. We ended up sitting together at lunch and eventually became inseparable. “Two peas in a pod” as my mom would say. Em and I turned out to have a lot in common. We played the same sports, loved the same movies, and we both played the clarinet in band. One thing was different though. Em went to church and believed in all this “Jesus” stuff. I thought it was kind of weird at first, but then I got used to it. I guess you could say that I was a “bad kid”. I didn’t really get along with my parents, and had snuck out of my house a few times. Emily had the complete opposite attitude, but yet we still became friends.
Em invited me to her youth group, and whenever I spent the night on Saturdays? I always went to church with her the next morning. It was okay I guess. We went to middle school together and made many lasting memories. Then freshmen year came, and something drastic happened. My life was changed, and somehow something awful, turned out to be a blessing.
“Tessa, you have to be strong and not tell a soul. Do you understand?” said Emily as we entered her bedroom.
“Em, how can you expect me to not tell anyone that you have a tumor the size of an acorn in your head?! Do you know how hard this is going to be for me? You know I can’t keep a secret.” I argued as I plopped on her bed.
“Tess I know, but you have to trust me on this. No one needs to know yet. I don’t want everyone giving me all sorts of attention or giving me gifts and cards just because I’m sick. Don’t you see? I’ve never liked attention and I don’t want any now. Please, will you just keep it quiet? At least for awhile?” said Emily with pleading eyes.
“Alright, I’ll try my best.” I said reluctantly. After that we were quiet for a while. I finally found the courage to ask, “So, is the tumor cancerous? How long has it been there? How serious is it? Do you need surgery?”
“Calm down Tess. The doctor said that they are going to have to try surgery to remove it. They don’t think it is cancerous, so once it is removed I should be fine and everything will be back to normal.” Em said a little too assertively. “Let’s watch a movie. How about The Blindside? That will cheer you up,” Em said.
Funny, she is the one with a tumor in her brain, and she is trying to cheer me up. Ironic isn’t it? Shouldn’t it be the other way around? If it were me with the tumor, I would be bawling my eyes out, and I would be the one needing to be cheered up.
It has been months since Emily and I had this conversation. Sadly, my parents got a divorce and I moved in with my mom in the neighboring town. My parents hadn’t been getting along for years. They tried counseling, but that didn’t work. “We just don’t love each other anymore”, my mom said. This was hard for me to understand, because my dad told me repeatedly, “Tess, you don’t ever have to worry about your mom and I splitting up. I love her now more than ever.” Then I would smile and remember those words when my parents fought. It gave me hope that everything would be okay. Then recently my dad moved out of the house. He said it was for his job and that he would come home on weekends. Well, that didn’t happen. I kept waiting and waiting for my dad to come home, but he never did.
One night, I saw my mom packing some things in boxes, so I asked her what she was doing. “Mom, what’s with all the boxes?” I asked, hoping that she would say that they were just for a garage sale or something, and not say what I thought she would.
“We’re moving” she said. Those were the words I didn’t want to hear. “Your father decided to stay here, so you and I are moving out. It will just be to the neighboring town so it won’t be that far.” she said, trying to look at the bright side.
“Will I have to change schools too?” I asked, hoping for once that I would get “no” for an answer.
“Yes, Tessa. I’m sorry but that’s just the way things worked out. You never know, maybe it will be for the better.” she said.
As soon as I heard those words I stormed off to my room and reached for the phone. “I should call Emily”, I thought. “She always makes me feel better”. So I dialed Emily’s number and waited for her to answer. “Hi this is Emily Renolds”, said the answer machine. “I’m not here right now so leave me a message and I’ll get back to you soon.” I hung up the phone and laid on my bed. “My whole world is falling apart”, I thought. “My parents are splitting up, I’m moving, changing schools, and my best friend in the whole wide world is sick with a cancerous tumor. What exactly did I do to deserve this?” I said out loud, hoping for an answer. I then got in bed and pulled the covers up to my head, hoping that I would find comfort in them since I couldn’t find it anywhere else. I turned off the light and cried myself to sleep, wishing that tomorrow I would wake up and find that everything was just a dream.
It turns out that I wasn’t dreaming, sadly. I moved that week and started going to the new school. It was okay, but not that great. There were a few nice girls, but none of them ever paid much attention to me. I joined the volleyball team, and made a few friends. None of them even came close to Emily though. “I hope that she is doing okay”, I thought. Just as I was thinking that, the phone rang. I picked it up and said “Hello”.
“Hi, this is Emily’s mom”, said the person on the end of the line.
“Oh hi”, I said. “How is she doing?”.
“Actually that is what I was calling about”, said Emily’s mom. “Tessa, Emily had a relapse and is back in the hospital. The doctors don’t think that she has much time left. She is in ICU now and is stable. She specifically requested to see you.”
“Okay Mrs. Renolds, I’ll have my mom drive me in right away.” I hung up the phone, stunned by the words I just heard. I quickly called to my mother, giving her the news. She hugged me as I sobbed in her arms. “Thanks mom, but I’m better now. We better head out.”, I said, half sobbing.
On the way to see Emily, I couldn’t stop the tears from running down my face. “She must feel so alone,” I thought to myself. “I should have been there for her when she needed me. What if she dies? I wouldn’t be able to live with myself. What did I do to deserve all this?” I thought. Before I knew it, we were in the hospital parking lot. I took a kleenex from my mom’s purse and quickly dried up my tears and made myself presentable. We walked through the parking lot and into the main lobby of the hospital. “How can I help you?” asked the secretary.
“We would like to see Emily Renolds please.” I said, trying my best to pull it together. “Room 316 on the 2nd floor.” she said a little bit too cheerfully. “She obviously doesn’t know why we are here,” I thought.
My mom and I walked to the elevator and went to the second floor. We found room 316 and saw Emily’s mom waiting outside. “Karen, I’m so sorry. We came as soon as you called,” said my mom, embracing Emily’s mom. She looked worn out. I can only imagine how she was feeling; staying up with Emily the whole night, afraid that if she closed her tired eyes for even a moment, her little delicate angel will slip away into the night without her.
“Um, how long did the doctors say she had left?”, I asked timidly.
“The doctor said it could be anywhere from a few hours to a couple days”, said Emily’s mom, starting to sob. I was speechless when I heard this. I couldn’t think of anything that seemed right to say at the moment. I just stood in the doorway to Emily’s room, numb to all emotions.
“Emily is sleeping. You may go and see her.” said a nurse as she left the room. I walked in slowly, not wanting to awaken Emily.
The hospital room was pretty nice (they always give you the good rooms when you’re are going to die). Emily was hooked up to all kinds of machines. She was on oxygen and had an IV in her arm. “She doesn’t look like my Emily anymore”, I thought to myself. “Oh Em, I’m soo sorry.” I whispered to her. “I should’ve been there for you. You went through surgery, getting poked with needles, Chemo, and tests, and I wasn’t with you for any of it.” I choked, trying to hold back the tears. I sat by Em’s bed and gently stroked her hand. “It’s just that things have been so hard lately. I’ve had to move to a new school and dad and mom got divorced. I just don’t know how to handle it all. I feel as if I’ve hit rock bottom.” I sobbed, loosing control.
Suddenly, I heard a soft, gentle voice say, “I know Tess, and I wish I could’ve been there to help you through it. I can’t imagine the pain that you are going through.” I looked up and Emily was awake, looking right at me.
“What do you mean you can’t imagine what I’m going through? You’re in far worse pain than me, Em. Does it hurt much?”, I asked.
“Actually, they keep me pretty medicated so it doesn’t really hurt.” she said with a smile. “But what really hurts is everyone I’m going to leave behind”, she said.
I looked at her and saw a tear in her eye, but she was trying so hard to be strong. I longed to relieve her of this pain. This cancer was like a monster, slowly eating away at someone that I loved so dearly.
There was a long silence until Emily said “You know Tess, I’m not scared to die.”
“What do you mean Em?”, I asked, curious about what she meant.
“Well, I know that I’m going to a better place. A place with no pain, suffering, sadness, or disease. Just a place full of joy, happiness, and a whole lot of worship.” Emily said smiling.
“I wish I was going to heaven when I die”, I said.
“Oh but you can Tess!” Em said excitedly.
“No, there is no way God would accept me with everything I’ve done”, I said still sobbing.
“See that is where you are wrong. John 3:16 says ‘For God so loved the world, that whoever believes in Him, shall not perish, but have eternal life.’ Don’t you see Tess? God loves YOU! He sent his son to die, so that YOU can live with him in heaven! Isn’t that awesome?!” said Emily.
“So do you mean that all I have to do is believe in Him, and I will go to heaven? What’s the catch?” I asked.
“There is no catch. All you have to do is pray to Jesus and ask for forgiveness of the wrong things you have done, and ask Him to come into your life.” said Emily.
“Excuse me miss, but Emily needs to take her medicine.” said the nurse. “Okay. Well, I’ll think about what you said. I’ll be in the waiting room until you are done getting your medicine.” I said. “Ok. See you in a bit”, said Emily.
I walked out of Emily’s room and went into the waiting room. I sat down and heard a Christian song come over the loud speaker. It went like this “When everything falls apart, your arms hold me together. When everything falls apart, you’re the only hope for this heart. When everything falls apart, and my strength is gone, I find you mighty and strong. Keep holding on.....” “Wow. They must be talking about Jesus. Maybe Emily is right about what she said.”, I thought to myself.
“We need help over here!”, said the nurse. “Her heartbeat is irregular!” I rushed into Emily’s room. There were lots of doctors and nurses flooding the room.
“Em! Em! You’re going to be fine Em, just hold on! You’ll make it.” I said panicking.
“No, my time is now Tessa. God’s calling me home.” said Emily, straining with every breath.
“What about what you said?! What am I supposed to do?” I asked. “Just pray to Jesus, ask forgiveness for the wrong things you’ve done, and ask Him to come into your life. He will always love you, Tess, no matter if anyone else does.” Emily said as she drew her last and final breath.
By this time, tears were flowing uncontrollably down my cheeks. I played the words that Em said to me over and over again in my head. “He will always love you, Tess, no matter if anyone else does.” I left the room and sat on the floor in the hallway. I quietly prayed what Emily told me to say. “Dear Jesus, thank you for dying on the cross for me. I’m sorry for all the wrong things I’ve done. Please come into my life. And thank you that Emily told me about you. Amen.”
It has been five years since Emily died and I accepted Jesus into my life. I thank God everyday for Emily. My life has changed. I go to church and I’m in a Bible study. My mom has become a Christian also. Without Emily, I would never have become a Christian. And if she didn’t have cancer, I might not have heard about Jesus. This is how God turned something awful, into a blessing.
THE END :)
Mallory
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